So my friend that I’ve had since I was 12 came to visit the other day.  We grew up together and got in to more trouble than either of us can seem to remember.  Well, he was visiting family not far away and he came to stay with us for a day.  He brought his 7 year old basenji/red heeler cross with him named Jetta.

We met at a park so that our dogs could meet on neutral territory, get to know each other, then walk as a pack.

Duchess is usually scared to death of other dogs and starts the nervous drooling thing, but after a brief introduction, she was pretty excited about having a new friend to play with.  Jake on the other hand acts like an idiot in public.  He goes into this hyperventilating spaz mode which is great at getting leashes tangled.

We came home and let the dogs out in the backyard to run and play together.  I just love how I happened to take this picture in the junkiest part of our backyard.

After playing outside in the heat, they were exhausted and came in to crash.  Jetta was delighted to see that we had a dog bed that met her exact specifications.

That night after the nap, Jetta came to life with vigor.  She kept getting all up in Duchess’ bidness as you can see.

And then it was time to play!  This is Duchess and Jetta doing their Godzilla vs. Mothra impression (notice the trucks below them… I imagine tiny little Japanese people screaming and running away).

Then Jetta started getting angry for some reason.  I think she’s a mogwai and isn’t supposed to be fed or watered after midnight or something.  Jake’s expression shows that he’s quite unamused by the curly-tailed dog with the chip on her shoulder.  Duchess is trying to show submission here to let Jetta know that she just wants to play.

But nope.  Jetta had made up her mind that, being a metroplex dog, she was way too good to play with these hillbillies that live in the sticks.

So the dogs went to their own areas and went to snoozing.  But the story doesn’t end there.  As we were wrapping up for the night, my friend said, “I need to get something out of my truck before you lock up.”  I said, “Okay sure” and started cleaning up and whatnot.

When he went out the front door, Jetta turned her skin inside out, transformed into a Tasmanian devil and went for the kill on poor little Oliver who was passed out cold.  I grabbed her harness to pull her off of him… and she ate my face.

I went to the ground with her so that I could pin her down and try to control those teeth that were flailing in all directions.  The Vampire Wife was laughing her head off and simply asked, “Are you okay?”  That’s when I looked up at her and she could see all the blood.  She quit laughing.

Although, the part I find absolutely hilarious is thinking about it from my friend’s standpoint when he walked in.  Dogs are passed out in such calm tranquility when he walks out the door.  He comes back in 45 seconds later to find me laying on top of his dog, clutching her in a death grip, with puncture wounds on my chin, with my face, shirt, jeans all covered in blood.

He just kinda stood there with his iPhone in his hand, completely stunned.  He just said, “….what…..happened?” with his eyebrows up as far as they can go. I still laugh every time I think about what it would be like to come back in the house to see that.

The kicker?  The next day I was the speaker for the Lions club here.  Oh well, at least telling the story of the facial wounds gave me an icebreaker to get the crowd loosened up.

So a tetanus shot later (those things hurt for days!) and a round of antibiotics, I’m all healed up.  Oh and bonus – I have a wicked cool Indiana Jones scar in the crease of my chin now!  I was all proud of it and showing the Vampire Wife and she said, “Indiana Jones has a scar on his chin?”  *sigh*

We were talking about my friend last night (he and I text through the Rangers games so that I can make fun of his favorite player and he can tell me how his guy is better than my guy blah blah blah) and the Vampire Wife said, “He should come visit more often… without Jetta.”

I agreed.

Sorry it’s been a while.  We were on vacation for a week, then The Boy went to be with the grandparents for a week, so our routine got a little wonky for a bit.

While The Boy was gone, The Smallish Boy whose grandparents live across the street came over to visit us one night.  I gave him a big block of chocolate (from what I understand, he’d never had chocolate before, so of course I had to oblige) and let him play with the dogs.

Notice that Oliver the Anti-Social is nowhere to be found.  Freak.

In this photo, Duchess seems to be saying, “Dude… you can’t handle your chocolate very well.  If you don’t calm down Imma gone have to put the smack down on you.”

Which ended with her then making good on her threat.

The highlight of the visit was when we got busy talking and didn’t notice that The Smallish Boy had climbed on Jake’s back saddle-style while Jake was laying on the ground.  I looked up just in time for Jake to take off like a bucking bronco.  The Smallish Boy flew through the air and bounced off some various objects like a ping pong ball.  It was quite entertaining.  He thought it was pretty funny too, thank goodness.

Oh and speaking of Jake, he seems to be almost completely healed and has finished his last round of antibiotics.  Now we just have to keep an eye on it to make sure no infection comes back.  I hope he’s out of the woods now though.

Next time The Smallish Boy comes over though, I think I’ll feed him about a pound of chocolate, put a helmet on him and wrap him in bubble wrap, then pump Jake full of his opiates.  Only this time I’m gonna have the video camera rolling.

“What?  Move?  Ballgame?  I know not of this ‘ballgame’ of which you speak… I am not from your country.”

As I type.  It’s not like he’s shooting up or anything, it’s all legal.  I had to take him back to the vet today for a follow up (Sorry – no pictures… was running late leaving work and so was then late for the appointment and left the camera behind in the chaos) and they gave him some happy pills.

They said that his wound is starting to heal the slightest bit (still looks uber nasty) but still isn’t making huge progress.  They extended his antibiotic regimen for another round and are making a switch from Rimadyl to a low-dose opiate.  I dumped his new feel-goods in his bowl a couple minutes ago, so we’ll see how it goes.

The Rimadyl was for his arthritis, which we started a couple weeks ago.  The vet wanted to see how he did on the opiate since there can be bad side effects from being on the Rimadyl long term.  Hopefully it will work as good as the Rimadyl did.

So, sorry for no pictures, but I wanted to update because I know a lot of you are following Jake’s progress.  I promise I’ll get back to blogging about Duchess eventually – it’s just this little event has taken over our household for now.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go pick out the perfect tunes for Jake’s first trip… I’m thinking “The End” by The Doors or “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd.

I took Jake in for a check-up today to make sure that he’s healing okay from his pellet gun wound.  The hole has gotten larger, but they said that it’s due to dead tissue around the entry wound dying and coming off.  It looks like the infection is clearing up and they were able to look a little deeper to make sure that there wasn’t any deeper damage done.

I was mowing this afternoon and the neighbor walked over to ask how the dog was.  I told him that he was going back to the vet today.  The neighbor said that he spoke to his grandkids and they said that they hadn’t shot their guns in over a month.  Of course they haven’t!  I mean, 10 and 12 year olds are known for their maturity, honesty, and taking responsibility for their actions, right?

So, we have an old wounded dog that was shot by a pellet that mysteriously fell out of the sky… sent straight from heaven to punish Jake for his gluttony.  I knew it was coming.  It was only a matter of time.  The dog can eat a giant scoop full of food in .3 seconds.  Duchess better watch out… no telling what will fall from the sky to punish her for all the stuff she eats in the yard.

I have to take Jake back to the vet on Wednesday so they can check his healing progress again.  I had him in an e-collar (the cone of shame) yesterday and they said he doesn’t have to wear it anymore as long as he behaves and doesn’t mess with it too much.

Jake is quite happy to be able to play with toys again…

And the grody picture of the wound…

Poor guy – and Duchess has even taken over her favorite spot on the bed again and kicked him on to the floor.  To make up for it Jake got all the pizza crusts from tonight though, so I guess it’s all good.

Not with a handgun, rifle, or shotgun… but by a pellet gun.  So I guess it could’ve been worse.

Friday I came home for lunch and we noticed Jake was licking his side.  The Vampire Wife took a look at him and thought it was a tick.  She did the usual squealing and pleading for help that she does when one of the dogs has a tick, but I was still eating so I regretfully declined.

Well it didn’t take long for her to realize that the situation was much, much worse than a tick.  This time when she yelled “COME HERE!” I knew something was up.  There was a hole in Jake’s side.

I immediately called the vet to make an appointment (is it bad that I have their number memorized?) and we were able to get in later that afternoon.  We loaded up and got to the vet’s office (which was PACKED) and anxiously awaited our turn.  Here’s a snap I took at the vet’s office.  Sorry it’s not very clear.

Our vet was gone, but his new associate was there and took a look at him.  They took him to the back where they shaved him up and examined him.  When she came back, she confirmed what we thought – a bb or pellet gun.  The hole is too precise in shape with no other trauma around it to be much anything else.

Our dogs live in the house, so it’s not like they’re outside much, but apparently it was long enough to get shot.  We live in a quiet neighborhood with very, very few children in it, but our next door neighbors have grandchildren that spend a lot of time over there and just happen to be outside shooting pellet guns ALL.  THE.  TIME.  Not to mention that those kids are like two tasmanian devils, high on meth, and running from the law.

Coincidence?  Highly doubt it.

I confronted my neighbor today about it and he denied that it happened (even though he showed me the big jar of pellets that they use), but said that he’d have a talk with his grandkids.  He said he may bring his boys over later.  I told him I’d love for them to come see my old dog with the infected hole in his side.  They never showed.  He probably thought it would be unwise to let me within arm’s reach.

Here’s a pic of the pellet hole (don’t look if you’re squeamish).  The Vampire Wife has it plugged up with antibiotic ointment so you can’t see into the depths…

I really, really hope they own up to it, come see Jake, apologize, offer to pay the vet bill, and promise to never fire a pellet gun in the direction of our house again.  If The Boy had done something like that, it would be full on Al-Qaeda style waterboarding going on at my house until I squeezed the information out of him, then I’d make him do exactly what I typed out above.


At least Duchess is being really sweet.  She knows Jake doesn’t feel good so she’s let him have her favorite spot on the bed between the fireplace and the Wii (I don’t know why she loves it there when there’s all the rest of the bed to lay on but she does).  The only down side is she does about 20 circles before she resigns to being half on and half off the bed.

Last 4th of July weekend Jake had a major hotspot outbreak and his head swelled up to the size of a basketball.  I think from now on when the 4th rolls around, I’m going to pay my vet to have Jake go live with him for a weekend… just in case.

No pictures…

But a couple new things:

1.  Shaved off my facial hair and Duchess didn’t recognize me.  Freaked out and backed up thinking I was a stranger, then when she realized it was me she knocked me down with slobbery kisses.

2.  She drank out of the toilet for the first time.

Luckily 1 happened before 2. (at least I hope)

Or at least she’s really trying her best at it.  When you have hair as long as the Vampire Wife’s, you probably need an extra hand… errr… paw now and then.

The boy agrees with her.

Anyone got a cabin in the mountains they’re just dying to share with us???