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Archive for the ‘Video’ Category

Or at least she’s really trying her best at it.  When you have hair as long as the Vampire Wife’s, you probably need an extra hand… errr… paw now and then.

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The boy agrees with her.

Anyone got a cabin in the mountains they’re just dying to share with us???

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I don’t really know why, but we’ve never taken Duchess down to the duck pond (which has geese as well as ducks).  We’ve walked by it a zillion times on walks, but have never actually taken her there to get up close and personal with those nasty little suckers.  They have it fenced off… presumably to protect the little hissing, bad attitude birds, but I think it’s really so they don’t come bite the noses off curious dogs and fingers off of rosy cheeked toddlers.

They really are despicable little things.  They run around honking and squawking and hissing like you’re there to wreak havoc on their little slice of heaven.  I mean come on, how dare us bring foodables for them to eat so that they don’t have to forage for it?  The audacity of us humans.

Come to think of it, now I remember why I haven’t taken Duchess there until now.

Anyway, the Vampire Wife had some old bread the other day she wanted to go give to the grouchy hobo geese, so we grabbed the dogs and headed out the door.  I don’t think you can hear it on the video, but there was one particularly nasty goose that was hissing at us as we were walking along.  Duchess was quite disturbed.  You can see her stopping and looking back at me periodically to make sure I was hearing the maximum rudeness of the stupid honker.

And here the dogs are wondering why The Boy is throwing away perfectly good foodables to such ungrateful hobo birds.

You might be wondering where the little one is during all this?  Oliver the Anti-Social is, of course, hiding under my legs wanting to go back home so he can go back to sitting under an end table and staring at the wall.  Weirdo.

After The Boy threw about three loaves of bread out in about 20 seconds (he was more fascinated with the fish in the pond and was trying to create a monster swarm of fish by throwing out a bunch at once) we were ready to come back home… but not until Duchess gave the hobo birds a dirty stare (I don’t know why there are no birds in this picture).

We’ll have to go back again soon so that I can take some pictures of the noisy little urchins (and the fish swarms… those are pretty freaky).  It’s starting to get pretty hot and we are the exact opposite of warm weather people, so don’t keep your paws crossed.

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We finally got a chance to film the winner of Duchess’ Spring Cleaning Contest the other night.  We put the 5 finalists’ names down on plates, lined them up, put treats on them, then swapped them around and let Duchess choose one.

Here’s the Vampire Wife just finishing putting down the treats…

And then here’s the video of Duchess picking the winner!

And a picture of Duchess with the winning entry’s plate…

She doesn’t look very happy – I think maybe she has a crush on Mango.

So congratulations Tucker!  Since you were picked the winner, I’m so glad we decided to re-do the first plate before heading outside.  The Vampire Wife tried to get artsy and the first plate looked like Yucker…

And here’s the winning entry again…

Aaaaaand as a special treat, Duchess wanted to do her bye bye trick for everyone that entered…

But we hope it isn’t bye bye for all you contestants – we hope you stick around and become our blog pals.  Have a great weekend everyone!

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And has decided that she still doesn’t like water.  Or at least she doesn’t like the rain. (See yesterday’s videos if you haven’t.)

I guess it’s acceptable to play in a sprinkler when the mood strikes her, but if it’s time to go outside to do her bidness, then she still requires it to be dry.  I put a couple chickens on the smoker this afternoon and we played in the yard all day, then after dinner a little thunderstorm moved through.

Of course, that was right about the time Duchess decided it was time to go out.  She kept going to the back door and waiting, so I’d take her out.  She’d then do a potty dance all over the patio, testing each side to see if it was raining on each side of the patio.  She’d eventually give up, go back inside, then we’d do this all over again.  I finally got tired of it and decided to grab the camera and resort to some trickery.

It worked!  I think she’s still mad though because she’s sitting across the room staring holes in my head right now.  Oh wait, it’s her dinner time… that’s what the laser eyes are all about.  Off to feed the water-sensitive diva!

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After a year of trying to get her used to water, fighting baths, etc., she has finally decided that water is okay after all.  I even posted on a Dane forum when she was little about her fear of water, and have been armed with quite an arsenal of tricks to lure her into bathtime… but it appears those might not be needed anymore.

I mowed and did yardwork today then we decided to just spend the rest of the day enjoying the beautiful weather.  I have a corner of the yard where nothing grows, so I put the water hose out there on a slow soak to get it nice and saturated.  Of course, that’s when Duchess decided to show off for me.  You see, I’m a huge baseball fan and she watches every game with me.  This is her imitation of sliding into home plate for the winning run…

And the buttprint she left in the yard as she slid on her booty into the fence…

So hey, if we’re all muddy, then we might as well go for the gusto right?  After just a little bit of prodding, she turned into a full-on one dog sprinkler head ninja dog.  Here’s a video…

I can’t believe that’s the same dog that has to be lured into the tub or shower with peanut butter!

The Boy decided it was time to play with the Slip N Slide, so we broke that out… Duchess enjoyed that as well.

Duchess made a game out of it later.  She would stand in the shade (like the amazingly smart girl that she is) and wait on The Boy to get there so she could try to block him…

And then here’s a video of Duchess when she finally perfected her blocking technique…

We had such a great day… just laughing at the two of them.  I’ve had a lot of dogs in my lifetime, but I don’t think I’ve ever had one that I’ve laughed at more than Duchess.

Well, I have some skirt steak on the smoker, and it’s not cooperating, so I better go tend to it before I ruin our meal.  We’ll film the winners of the contest tomorrow hopefully… if I can keep Duchess out of the mud!

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With her butt.  And poop.  I guess it was her birthday present to me and I should feel special?  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  I DO know how the Vampire Wife felt about it though.

There I was sitting in my chair after a long day and here comes The Boy and the Vampire Wife marching down the hall towards me with their noses stuck in their shirts.  That’s never a good sign.  I don’t care what the words are that follow those actions – they’re not going to be good.

I was told that MY dog had left the BIGGEST mess ever in the history of doggie poop for ME to clean up in the bedroom.  I let out a sigh (because we’ve had dogs for ever and ever… and for it to be the biggest mess ever?  Dude.) and gathered up some paper towels, trash bag, Spot Shot, etc.  I marched on down the hall armed with my de-poopifying arsenal and that’s when I turned the corner and saw it.

The poop smiley face.

How the trash does a dog do that?!?!?!  Was she just about to explode so she thought, “Hey, I could do some wicked graffiti with this mega load of super stankaliciousness – let’s try a smiley face so that daddy will be happy!”  Ugh.  I swear I thought seriously about calling in the crime scene cleanup people… this was seriously over my head and capabilities.

But I didn’t.  I got to cleaning.  And cleaning.  And cleaning.  Duchess came in to check on me because she’s never more than a couple feet away from me at all times.  I thought I was getting a picture of her, but it was a video (I was obviously blinded by toxic fumes and pure rage and fury… understandably incapable of operating a camera correctly).  It’s only a few seconds long, but I decided to upload my little mistake because I love how it captures her attitude of, “So hey… how’s it going?  Whatcha doin?  Catch that video on tv of the two planes that almost crashed mid-air?  That was like off the hook insane!” with the tail wagging and no comprehension of the fact that I’ve been plotting the 489 ways to kill a giant dog in their sleep.

All it took was her seeing the look on my face to understand that bidness was not good right now (and yes dogs understand your facial expressions).

Once she realized I was taking pictures, she figured that everything must be okay after all…

And then she realized this horrible situation was waaaaay bigger than the both of us and went right back to the sympathetic “I’m really sorry” pose.

I had a customer call me right about this time and wanted to drop by the house for a couple minutes.  Ummm…. that’s a negatory there good buddy.  I had to explain that my house smells like my dog ate 12 skunk butts, puked them up, ate them again, then exploded them across my bedroom in a happy happy fun time rainbow of a smiley face.

I lit one of those lampe berger things or whatever you call them.  Just one of these things is usually enough to run me out of the house, eye watering, and sneezing away – overpowering all sense of smell for a few hours.

Oh but not this night.  This night I kept sticking my head over it, wafting it into my face, having to keep checking to see that it’s still lit.

So there you have it – my homemade birthday present from Duchess.  Next year I won’t hint around about what it is that I want and will make sure she and I get online and buy something together well ahead of time.  I know what she’s getting for her birthday though… extra strength imodium.

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The other night our friends from across the street came over to visit for a little bit.  They have a friendly little cat… well, I guess I should clarify.  By “having a cat” I actually mean that there is a cat that uses their house as a place to crash and get fed.  Anyway, he’s a beautiful solid grey and his fur is super soft.  I think he’s half chinchilla.

He is aptly named “Grey Kitty”.  If I’m not mistaken, their previous cat was simply named… “Kitty”.  Maybe in rebellion of the lackluster effort to name their cats I’ll start calling Grey Kitty some very long and complicated name when I see him – like Sir Tom Willery Von Shaughnessy.  Yes, I think that shall do quite nicely.

So the other night our friends walked over and Sir Tom Willery Von Shaughnessy was right behind them.  Now keep in mind none of my dogs have been around cats.  As a matter of fact, I’m not certain that they’ve ever seen one except for the one time Jake busted out the back door because Sir Tom Willery Von Shaughnessy was lounging on the back porch.  There was lots of hissing and spitting and chaos, but I think that’s all the exposure that any of our dogs have had.  Duchess has had zero contact… until that night.

Our friends came in and Sir Tom Willery Von Shaughnessy stayed a few steps back when he saw the platoon of dogs awaiting his arrival at the front door.  They came in and sat down, but as we were trying to visit, Duchess just wasn’t going to let go of the fact that there was a strange, furry, half chinchilla cat peering through the door at her.

There was a lot of huge barking going on, but by the time I got the camera Duchess had lowered the Kitty Terrorist alert down to orange from red.

You can hear my friend laughing in the background about how Duchess is making sure to stay behind me because she’s such a big chicken.  I think Sir Tom Willery Von Shaughnessy would probably whoop her behind up one side and down the other because she’s so afraid of everything and not even get a bit of slobber on his super soft chinchilla fur.

Also, speaking of kitties.  My dogblog friend Tucker lost their 17 year old cat today.  Please make sure to click that link and drop in there to offer your condolences.

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I’m a little teapot…

Long and lanky, this is my nose and this is my stanky.  That’s how the song goes at least in our house when Duchess does her teapot impression.

You might remember me discussing this a while back when she got in bed in the wee hours of the morning.  She has this ear piercing “teapot” squeal/yawn that she does that can make your ears bleed if the big shnoz happens to be pointed right at you. I don’t guess it truly sounds like a teapot whistling… but it’s the first thing we came up with and it sort of stuck. It’s even become one of her many nicknames (all our dogs have various nicknames and usually answer to at least two of them).  I thought it was some weird freak of nature talent that she had, but I was watching some Great Dane videos on youtube the other day and whaddya know – there was a Dane doing the exact same thing.

I’ve been trying to figure out how I was going to capture this though.  I knew it had to be with video, but following her around 24/7 with a video camera rolling just wasn’t feasible.  Fortunately, I lucked out the other day and have it captured now for your viewing pleasure.  My only wish is that it had been one of her turbo teapot squeals that can make your teeth hurt… but beggars can’t be choosers I suppose.

We sat up the TV trays to eat something… pizza?  I can’t even remember. (Oh, and contrary to what you read in this blog – we are not pizzaholics. I think that 100% of the times that I’ve referenced food in this blog, it has been about pizza. We actually don’t eat it all that often, it’s just that it happens to be one of Duchess’ favorite smells and she’ll do just about anything to get a hold of a slice. So, please don’t think we eat pizza morning, noon, and night around here. The vampire wife wouldn’t be down with that… she only takes in 1000 calories per week I think.)  Regardless, it was something that Duchess was VERY interested in. 

She usually doesn’t fight us on this sort of thing anymore, but she was being extra sassy and talking back to us when we’d tell her no, so of course I thought it’d be great to capture on video. Instead I got a little bit of resistance followed by one of the saddest “oooh please can I have just a bite, I haven’t eaten in three days” looks, which is quickly followed by surrendering and the resulting teapot.

So there you have it – the ever elusive teapot has finally been captured on film. What should I do to celebrate? Oooooh pizza!?

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Oooh doesn’t that sound intriguing?  Like a Harry Potter novel (or movie) right?  I wish it was that entertaining… but there are no doggie wizards and no evil cat deities trying to take over the land of Duchiedor.  Hmmm somehow I started going down a Lord of the Rings path there… anyway, I digress.

The boy has a really neat marble maze set that he got for Christmas, then got the expansion kit for his 7th birthday. It was snowing the other day and we didn’t have anything to do other than mess around in the house, so he broke out the marble kit (one can only play a certain amount of Wii before the brain turns to goo… which the boy is about 400 hours past that point).

We built a massive structure to the skies. It was an incredible sight (hey where’s the camera) worthy of documenting for posterity’s sake (hey seriously why do I not have pictures of this?). We started calling family and friends to come witness this glorious and complex arrangement that would make Frank Lloyd Wright jealous.

Then it fell down.

We sobbed. We threw ourselves on the ground because the world was over. We drowned our sorrows. And then… it was decided that we would do something that has never been done before in the history of the world… We would rebuild the great marble maze! Except this time keep it closer to the ground – as close as possible to be exact.

So we rebuilt and got it working pretty well when Duchess woke up from her nap and wanted to know just what the trash was going on in HER studio! Apparently we need a building permit in order to construct things of this nature in HER house.

As I saw her lumbering towards us, I yelled for the vampire wife to bring me the camera ASAP because I had a feeling Duchess was about to go Godzilla all over this thing. Here’s the video…

Surprisingly, no Godzilla, no destruction. Of course not. Not while I’m there and ready to document it.

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