Posts Tagged ‘food’

We have a weekly ritual.  We take the kiddo to Cub Scouts and on the way home we order pizza.  It’s just what we do.  So it is written, so shall it be done – so to speak.  This past week we did the usual.  Went to Scouts, painted a birdhouse, ordered pizza on the way home.

As we were sitting down to eat we made the mistake of putting the kid’s on his TV tray first.  Big no-no.  Duchess is still learning to be respectful of people’s space, and she’s usually pretty good with it, but when it comes to food she just has a hard time keeping her manners (especially when the food is sitting there eye level).

We turned our backs for a split second to hear the poor child scream, “DUCHESS!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”  I didn’t even have to look to know what had happened.  Yep.  Duchess had licked the crust of his pizza.

The dance began.  It’s this little thing where I claim the space around the boy and she does her backtalking.  It’s really hard to keep a straight face during the process.  I waited for her to surrender and then we went back to getting dinner ready.

My son agreed that it was only his crust that she intruded upon, so he was okay with eating the front half of each slice.  Okay, crisis averted.  (Some of you probably would’ve thrown the pizza, the plate, the cup, the TV tray, the sofa, etc. into the trash, but when you live with a Great Dane you just kinda get used to things having slobber all over them.  It’s gross, I know.)

Dinner went along with no more major events other than my boy laughing hysterically at his favorite show, “America’s Funniest Home Videos”.  He threw away his half eaten pieces of pizza and moved on to fruit and other various snacks.

Here’s where it got interesting.  Duchess loooooooves to see what’s in the trash.  It’s like she looks in there and thinks to herself, “Look at all this fantastic stuff that my wasteful humans are throwing away!  There’s a used paper towel with some sort of flavorful grease on it, an orange peel, an old box that would make a FANTASTIC toy… what are they thinking???”

We went back to watching TV when we heard the familiar THUMP of the lid of the trash can go down.  She’s very sneaky, almost ninja-like about getting into the trash.  We’re done for if she ever figures out how to close the trash can quietly.  I guess on the bright side it would mean there would be less trash for me to take out.

I hopped up and ran over there to correct her, but I was too late.  She’d already gobbled up whatever treasure it was she pulled out.  It was then that I noticed she lowered her head and PATOOOOOOWEEEEEY out came these.

Two green olives left from my son’s half eaten pieces of pizza.  Obviously she finds them utterly despicable.  We order pizza from this place specifically for the reason that they use green olives on their supreme.  It’s super yummy – at least to us.  If you’re a canine, then I guess not so much.

I didn’t realize that Duchess had such a finicky palate.  Well, I take that back, I guess I did.  When we started puppy class and I offered her chopped up hot dogs as her high value treat (which our other dogs devour like a pack of wolves) she mouthed it around for a couple seconds and dropped it at my feet and just looked at me like, “You’ve GOT to be kidding me.  This is cold, slimy, and made from WHO knows what!”

I sat down to get Duchess’ take on what her thoughts were on the trash pizza that she’d devoured.  I’ll let the connoisseur take over…

“The crust was nice.  It was thin, crisp, and had an almost cracker-like quality about it.  They use less sauce than most places, which I like.  Too many pizzerias try to mask the inequity by slathering their product with an overabundance of goop to make up for the fact that their pizza has been put together by a 16 year old imbecile.  However, I find the use of green olives to be completely unnecessary.  The extreme saltiness of these olives gives the entire pizza a briny flavor profile which entirely overwhelms the subtle nuances of the nice, thick layer of mozzarella.  I don’t understand why you would take such a superior dish and ruin it by the reckless use of such a harsh ingredient.  Take it away from my sight – I can’t be bothered with such half-hearted attempts at culinary expertise.”

Wow.  I think I can get her a guest spot as a judge on Iron Chef America, no?  As a matter of fact, she reminds me a little bit of the judge Jeffrey Steingarten from the show in that picture I took.  Here’s Mr. Steingarten – a resemblance maybe?

I have to give her some credit though.  When she licks something and claims it as “mine”, she’s pretty dedicated to making sure she gets it – even if it requires claiming it back from the dark depths of the trash can.

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